Sometimes I hold on so tightly—to people, to memories, to the thoughts racing wild in my head. I want to know the direction my life will head down. I want to understand why God gave me certain people, or why they had to leave. I want to measure the future, calculate the pain, make sense of it before it comes and crashes into me like waves against the shore, leaving me powerless. But I can’t help but look back, even if I take steps away.
I’ve always loved in a rush, throwing myself into others’ arms, getting lost in eyes and smiles, believing beyond a doubt, that every kiss was real. Detaching, then, has always been the hardest part.
But it doesn’t always work like that with people—we’re imperfect, we’re selfish, we have wants and needs and when they’re not being met, our hearts tell us to leave.
But I can’t help but look back, even if I take steps away.
I’ve always found it so hard to let go because I don’t take love lightly; it’s not just a feeling I can replace and let go of.
But sometimes I spend so much of my life holding onto people and memories that serve me no purpose. I turn around, searching for answers, when the truth is right in front of me.
But the reality is that sometimes you have to let go of something you loved, sometimes you have to walk away from people that do not benefit or brighten you, sometimes you have to release what you cannot control, and trust that God is bringing you to better.
Sometimes you have to detach, and know that detaching is okay. There’s nothing wrong with moving on from the past. You simply cannot spend your life looking into the rearview, wondering what if.
Detaching does not mean you no longer care; it doesn’t mean you’re cold-hearted or have closed your door.
Detaching means you’re giving yourself distance; it means you’re putting the health of your heart first, and walking away from what has only been holding you back from happiness, purpose, and love.
There’s nothing wrong with detaching. It’s okay to keep old memories in your heart to grow you and build you, but there’s nothing wrong with starting new, without being held hostage to your past.
And so I’m slowly learning to detach. To love from a distance. To say goodbye to old people and painful memories and make room for what fills me, effortlessly, with joy and love.
I’m learning that I do not have to pretend what happened didn’t, or that the people I once loved don’t matter, because they always will.
I’m learning that my past has shaped me, but it doesn’t have to control my thinking. I don’t have to agonize over the future, or look back with regret.
I can simply look forward, trust God, and know that where I am headed is the right direction, as long as I leave what was behind me, look ahead, and smile.